Thursday, September 23, 2004

Maybe I Should Diversify My Topics

Per sitemeter.com, the following Google searches have led to Bigger than Life or Death:

"mark bellhorn" with "girlfriend"

"mark bellhorn interview"

"kevin millar KFC commercial" (twice)

"kevin millar kentucky fried chicken"

"mark bellhorn smile" (four times)

Now, all of these I can understand. But...

"pamela anderson playboy"

...just boggles the mind.

Actually, I'm making that last one up. The rest are true, though, and I know that at least one Portugese site that has nothing to do has linked to me.

So I got that going for me.

As an aside, the posters at Sons of Sam Horn (the main link is on the sidebar, and you really should visit if you haven't. Rarely have passion and baseball smarts come together in one community as well as they have here) are saying that Orlando Cabrera, after flying back to Boston after visiting his sick wife, actually asked into the lineup for tonight's game!

He asked into the lineup.

Shows you what coming from Montreal can do to a guy's attitude towards the game. Or, maybe he's always been like this, and we've never known. Watching him round the bases after his mini-Manny shot into the Monster seats, and seeing him break out into a grin three-quarters of the way to home...

Oh my. That's the best feeling in sports.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

21st Century Schizoid Man

Something I'll remember when, one day, I figure Mark Bellhorn out, is his reaction after his only hit of the game...

Hogwash! The game itself was complete hogwash, and I was about ready to write it off. Our closer, who any objective analysis will indicate is among the league's best, had made one truly bad pitch in his outing, and that pitch rapidly went from bat to air to Lansdowne Street. The fact that he got the next batter to ground out weakly just added to the ridiculousness of the situation. This was a game that we very easily should have bloody won, and we were about to lose it to the Orioles.

There is no team in baseball that I hate more than the Yankees. Let's make that abundantly clear right now. I wish horrible things on them on a daily basis. They occupy every cell in my head devoted to hate, save one. That once other cell is focused ten thousand percent on the Baltimore Orioles.

Ever hear of the expression "Kingmaker"? It's given to the third wheel in any situation, one guy who absolutely cannot win but can choose who does. It's a unique position, and one that is special for the amount of wrath in can earn from the jilted party. This season, the Orioles are the kingmakers of the AL East-rolling over to the Yankees while playing the Red Sox to the bone. Call it Miguel Tejada getting his revenge for the 2003 ALDS, call it Lee Mazilli being on George Steinbrenner's payroll, call it luck, call it whatever you want. It sure sucks.

Because of this, every win against the Orioles is a precious one. These wins must be husbanded carefully from beginning to end; they demand masterful pitching performances from all involved. One slip-up, one four-run inning, and karma will not allow a comeback. You might as well throw in the towel.

For the record, yes, allowing a two-run homerun in the ninth inning with your team up 1-0 is a slip-up. It also should have reminded Red Sox nation of how many time the Orioles have gone quietly in the ninth against that other team south of Boston.

Still, when Kevin Youkilis walked, which he has before and will perhaps a thousand times more, and Bill Mueller doubled, sending Dave "Really Freaking Fast" Roberts to third, the mood could almost be seen to change. Maybe this would be better than an easy ninth! Maybe we could build some character here! An opportunity like this is almost impossible to waste, and...

Oh. Well, that's ok. Damon's coming up, and he's great in big situations, so...

Oh. Huh. Howsabout that?

Mark Bellhorn is the poster boy for those who hope and pray that they are never challenged on their preconceptions of how baseball should be played. He's struck out over 160 times this season, and his average hovers around .260. When he's properly used, those strikeouts are meaningless, but Dusty Baker looked at Mark Bellhorn and told him to swing away. This is what's known as throwing a wrench into the machine.

But he ended up here, where his unique talents were appreciated, and he's been the steadiest player on our offense all season long. It's very easy to predict Mark Bellhorn's at-bats: he will either walk, strike out, double, or hit a home run. Singles and groundouts are scattered like afterthoughts. When he's working like that, if you look at him over a number of games, you start to appreciate what he brings to a team.

When he starts to struggle, however, it's just as easy to start loathing him. Four strikeouts in one game? Two per game for a week? Not cool, Mark! Why can't you swing at the freaking ball, eh? It couldn't hurt you!

We get on Mark Bellhorn because he strikes out a lot during his slumps, but what else can we expect? Everyone slumps! Everyone not named Bonds runs into spaces of time where hitting becomes a mystery and the gift that has brought them into the majors leagues deserts them. This happens to everyone. Mark Bellhorn's slumps feature strikeouts. Big deal.

One time where he doesn't strike out is with runners in scoring position, and he sure as hell didn't strike out here. That I can accept, understand. Most of all, I can quantify it. This is what's supposed to happen.

I wish I could figure out his reaction, though, after he hit the ball. Mark Bellhorn rounded first and charged into second without changing his facial expression. As his teammates celebrated at home plate, he methodically took off his helment and seemed, for a very brief moment, when all other hitters would have been jumping and hollering in joy, at a seperate and whimsical peace.

Then he joined the rest of the Red Sox. I'm sure he smiled in the pileup, but I can't be sure. He's Mark Bellhorn, after all. I still can't figure him out.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Fantastic. Amazing. Unbelievable.

Overwhelming. Exceptional. Mind-blowing.

Want more?

Ecstatic. Faithful. Faithful.

And the most important one?

Happy.

Deliriously so.

Let's see where this train takes us, eh? I'll write more tomorrow, but for now...

I'm just happy.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Laudable Pus

What's the easiest way to tell that a baseball pundit has run out of column ideas?

Simple. He praises Derek Jeter.

This is particularly true amongst writers or broadcasters who habitually cover the Yankees-Tim McCarver or Michael Kay, for instance. It's been repeated so often that it's basically accepted as fact that Jeter is a winner, the best player in baseball, the man who Makes the Play that Wins the Game on a Regular Basis. It's the facts, right? That many baseball experts can't be wrong.

Right?

I've always gone by a hard and fast rule when trying to discern the truth:

If someone constantly hammers into your head...

Watch Derek Jeter play every day and realize his stats mean very little in gauging his greatness. If anything, Jeter is actually becoming better every single year. He is quite simply a phenomenal baseball player. His instincts are otherworldly and his enthusiasm has not wavered since he was a rookie.

...a particular cause or idea...

For as long as Joe Torre can remember, Derek Jeter has been the Yankee manager's trump card. Need a hit? Jeter will get it. Need a play made? Jeter will make it.

...with a violent disregard for the facts...

Well, I'll tell you -- Joe Torre did the right thing. He put his best player at short.


Now, I know people can throw all kinds of numbers at me, telling me why there are better players out there than Jeter.


I know all that stuff. I'll be the first to admit that Jeter isn't the best hitter. He isn't the best shortstop or the best baserunner, either. But you put what he has all together, and you'd be crazy not to make him the cornerstone of your team.


Yes, Bonds will probably break Hank Aaron's home run record; and a few years later, A-Rod might even catch him. Even knowing all that, I'll still take Jeter.

...then it might be a good idea to make your own judgement, instead of listening to those who have only one idea, and who love to tell you about it. Their worst nightmare is a challenge to their ideas, which have been festering in their heads for so long that their judgement becomes suspect. Don't look for arguments to support your idea. Find out the arguments first, and maybe the idea will come out a little better.

Friday, September 10, 2004

...and proud of it

Two guys I hate losing to, y'know. Both of them are jerks.

The first guy might be a perfectly acceptable person. My friend Jeremy, when he plays poker, is one of these. He's got no conception of strategy, really, or which hands one should play and which one should fold, but he has the most disgusting luck in the world. Once, he bet massively on a 5-7 unsuited hand with no help on the flop. Dude picks up a 5 on the turn and a 7 on the river.

Seriously! I was about ready to take my two aces and put them through his skull.

Anyhow, I can't really hate him for it, but he's what I like to call Some Jerk. The Sox lose to this guy on a regular basis. It's to the point where I'll look at the pitching line, see a guy who's 2-4 with a 5.40 ERA, and immediately start worrying about the outcome. We handle the Mussinas and Hudsons of the world just fine, but the Madritsches? They completely dominate us, but really, it's not worth it to hate them. They're just doing their jobs, and well enough to be appreciated, even if they do get lucky. Hate losing to them, but they're still cool.

The second guy is Peyton Manning. Just a plain Jerk.

The wonderful thing about facing an Jerk is that, if you're a Patriots fan, this is the guy they win against all the time. It doesn't matter how often Peyton smiles sheepishly after a receiver bobbles a ball, giving the sideline a "Hey, it wasn't MY fault!" look. It doesn't matter how often he wildly gesticulates at the line, attempting to impress upon the fans and the guys in the broadcast booth that he is a, and I quote, "heck of a quarterback". It doesn't matter how many long completions he throws to Marvin Harrison.

Wanna know why it doesn't matter? He'll never beat Tom Brady. Being a classy guy, Brady is always quick to meet Peyton in midfield after beating him, and he seems to be congratulatory and gracious. I know, however, that what Brady is really saying with all these polite gestures is this:

"Hey, Peyton, great drive. You almost had us there. You're never, ever, gonna be me."

And then, as Peyton's walking away, he's undoubtedly thinking only one thing:

Jerk

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

God Will Be Cut!

SabreStewie (11:47:23 PM): A-Rod is such a jerk
ZHLMSD (11:47:29 PM): what'd he do
ZHLMSD (11:47:31 PM): this time
ZHLMSD (11:47:38 PM): besides upsetting Tek and setting off the sox
SabreStewie (11:47:42 PM): Watching the replay again, and after he hits Fordyce, he just walks away
ZHLMSD (11:47:51 PM): i haven't seen it yet
ZHLMSD (11:49:16 PM): solid derek... very solid
SabreStewie (11:49:55 PM): He put his shoulder into Brook Fordyce's face at home.
SabreStewie (11:50:14 PM): Seriously, shoulder and elbow right into his face
SabreStewie (11:50:22 PM): Rose on Fosse-esque
ZHLMSD (11:50:29 PM): nothing is like that man
SabreStewie (11:50:47 PM): It was pretty bad-looking
ZHLMSD (11:50:49 PM): that was singularly absurd
SabreStewie (11:52:15 PM): He was out, by the way.
ZHLMSD (11:52:34 PM): haha
ZHLMSD (11:52:40 PM): also clearly unlike Rose v. Fosse
ZHLMSD (11:52:49 PM): have you seen that play at full speed by the way?
SabreStewie (11:53:00 PM): Yeah. It's kinda cringe-inducing
ZHLMSD (11:53:10 PM): it's possibly the single hardest running i've ever seen
ZHLMSD (11:53:22 PM): the only man i can think of who could nearly duplicate it would be trot
ZHLMSD (11:53:36 PM): the only one with enough disregard for himself yet care for scoring a run
SabreStewie (11:54:15 PM): I haven't seen Trot in a situation where he could go full-out at home like that. I'm looking forward to it
SabreStewie (11:54:23 PM): After seeing his performance in brawls
ZHLMSD (11:54:24 PM): true
SabreStewie (11:55:07 PM): He'd run over Jesus if he was blocking home.
SabreStewie (11:55:16 PM): And then thank Him for scoring the run
ZHLMSD (11:55:58 PM): haha
ZHLMSD (11:56:05 PM): as Kill Bill says
ZHLMSD (11:56:18 PM): "if you should encounter God on your journey, he will surely be cut"
SabreStewie (11:56:24 PM): Oh, lord. Don't give Trot a katana.
ZHLMSD (11:56:39 PM): only during yankee games
ZHLMSD (11:58:20 PM): it could be kinda cute
ZHLMSD (11:58:39 PM): we already know that he is second only to DO in killing the yankees
ZHLMSD (11:58:48 PM): then he'd be undisputed #1
SabreStewie (11:58:50 PM): He'd take it really seriously
ZHLMSD (11:58:59 PM): that's what would be so cute
SabreStewie (11:59:00 PM): I wouldn't even give him Petey's fungo bat
ZHLMSD (11:59:02 PM): he'd try so hard
ZHLMSD (11:59:08 PM): hahaha

Monday, September 06, 2004

With apologies to Bill Simmons...

...because I don't have time for a full-fledged entry, just a few random thoughs:


-Mark Bellhorn, the man everyone loves to violently underestimate, is the leader among AL second basemen in OPS. Baseball-wide, he's third overall.

-Spending a week with a wonderful, generous, kind family, all of which are rabid Yankees fans and staunch Republicans, is a test to try one's soul. Especially when one of them is your girlfriend. More on that later, I promise.

-David Ortiz isn't the mirror image of Manny Ramirez. It's more accurate to say that he's Manny reflected in a funhouse mirror--all the parts work the same, but the head's a little bigger, the teeth have a gap, and besides, the whole thing's backwards.

-Watching for updates on the ESPN ticker is incredibly difficult, especially when they insist on cutting to commercial right before starting the AL scores. I feel like it's 1920 all over again, and late-breaking updates are transferred by telegraph.

-I need to start looking for tickets to a Cubs game before I go back to school. Any suggestions for things to shout at Nomar?

-Kevin Brown getting injured? Not surprising. Kevin Brown getting injured by punching a clubhouse wall like a bloody little leaguer?

Awesome.